Embrace your inner nut-job to release pent-up anger, stress and anxiety

Has a work colleague pushed your “F*ck you, a$$hole!” button today?

Did a driver cut you up in traffic, making you spend the entire hour afterwards feeling outraged?

Do you dream of all the horrible things you’d do, if you caught up to them? Like criticising their curious dress-sense?

Sounds like you need to open your crazy-valve to let off some steam!

Here are 5 tips on how you can do this (legally), without resigning yourself to a stint at His Majesty’s Pleasure:

1. Scream Into the Void

• Location: Anywhere you won’t scare the neighbours, but not at passing children — it’s frowned upon! Better yet, scream into a pillow — you can be as loud as you like.
• How: Let it rip! Imagine yourself as a huge cargo ship and your voice is a fog-horn blasting through the murk.
• Why: Because sometimes, you just need to shout, “I’ve had enough of your sh*t!”

2. Dance Like Nobody’s Watching (They’re not, you’re sh*t!)

• Location: Your living room, or anywhere with space. But with the curtains closed, eh? No-one wants to see that!
• How: Crank up the tunes and flail around like a demented chicken. Bonus points for air-guitar. Double bonus points for singing “One Step Closer” with air-guitar.
• Why: It’s the perfect way to say, “Take that, gravity! I’ve got moves!”

3. Punch a Pillow (Not a Wall <OUCH!>)

• Location: Anywhere that has pillows. But not in a furniture store: they don’t like that sort of thing, it scares the customers.
• How: Grab a pillow and pretend it’s your arch-nemesis. Bonus points for carrying your own Rage-Pillow (patent pending) at all times: you know, for emergencies!
• Why: It’s therapeutic: like punching a lasagne, but for your soul. Hmmm… “Punched Lasagne for the Soul” [aff link], there’s a book title in there somewhere…

4. Vent in Pig Latin

• Location: Anywhere, it’s a free country. But not at passing children — they’ll think you’re some crazy homeless person (unless you are?).
• How: “I-hay am-say o-say ick-tay of-tay his-tay!” Bonus points for saying it out loud to passing children (also claim a free bonus soup bowl).
• Why: It’s gibberish with a purpose. Confuse the anger right out of your body. Bonus: It makes you sound all drunk and sweary, without the massive hangover and immense shame you’ll feel the next day.

5. Write a Strongly-Worded Letter (Then instantly regret it!)

• Location: A safe place to look at yourself in the mirror, mockingly: “Hey, Judgy McJudgeface!”
• How: Pen a strongly-worded letter to the offender, then wrestle with your conscience and destroy it immediately. Openly criticise yourself for being a chicken. Bonus points for doing it in front of passing children: making them point and stare at you like some homeless person.
• Why: You may have bottled it — but it’s still a fiery farewell to your frustrations: they’re now “out there” in the universe! Take that, universe! <Kapow!>

FAQs:

Q: Can I scream anywhere?
A: Within reason. Don’t do it in a library.

Q: If I do scream in a library, what’s the punishment?
A: Instant embarrassment and shame. Nobody wants that!

Q: Is dancing scientifically proven to help?
A: Who needs science when you’ve got rhythm?

Q: What if I don’t know Pig Latin?
A: There’s no time like the present to earn-lay!

Remember, life might bite you in the butt, but you’ve got the chops to chomp right back.

Use these tips daily and add a crazy-pill to your diet: It’ll stave off the murder charges.

And remember, this new 5-step system will save you time, so you and your multiple personalities can spend more time being gloriously loony.

Subscribe to the MindLake MindLetter to join like-minded individuals (Hmmm…, can you be like-minded and individual?).

Until next time! All the best,

Alex alex@mindlake.co.uk

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