Because apparently, the universe just hates you sometimes (it’s okay, we’ve all been there).

Life sucks balls sometimes!

That’s a fact of life.

Yes, life can be a real kick in the nuts. One day you’re on top of the world, the next you’re left gasping for air.

You’re cruising along, feeling like Beyoncé on a good hair day, then BAM! Your beloved goldfish spontaneously reincarnates as a floater.

It’s easy to feel like the universe is out to get you, whispering sweet nothings about your impending doom.

But what if I told you it’s all your fault?

Hold on, before you hit the “unsubscribe” button and write me off as a lunatic, hear me out.

No — you didn’t cause those bad things to happen, but you sure-as-shit played your part in allowing them to define you!

Letting a parking ticket or an overflowing toilet define your entire day is a recipe for disaster.

Life throws huge, massive, stinky bags of crap at us sometimes, that’s a given.

Dwelling on the negative? Guess what? Your life becomes negative.

I’m guilty of this too: I’ll cry all kinds of “motherf*ckers” when “bad” things happen to me, at first.

Then I’ll snap out of it and remind myself that it was just a temporary thing. A random event.

Does it mean I’m a bad person that deserved it?
(Okay, maybe sometimes 🙂 )

No! It was out of my control.

Change your perspective: A temporary dog-poo in your mental-garden

It’s a temporary setback.

Your mind is a beautiful, manicured garden.

But then, a metaphorical dog with a grudge decides to leave its bowels all over your nicely-mowed lawn.

Now, you have two options: wallow in the stench of despair, or grab a (mental) poop scoop and clean that shit up! The choice, is yours.

Come on! Clean up your (mental) dog-sh!t!
BTW: I can’t stand people who don’t clean up after their dogs!

So, you didn’t ask to get kicked in the nuts, or have a dog take a metaphorical dump in your mental-oasis — of course you didn’t!

But did you let that split-second event ruin your entire day? I bet you did!

That’s why it’s your fault! The reason you’re feeling like sh!t? All you, baby!

It started a chain of negative thoughts which, in turn, created a self-fulfilling (negative) prophecy.

If you think your life is out to get you: it will be out to get you!

Despite our best efforts, bad stuff is going to happen from time-to-time. It happens to everyone — you are not special!

You need to snap out of the rot of negative thinking.

You need to follow that filthy mind-mongrel around and clean up after it.

“Think you do, attract you shall”

In the wise words of Yoda (possibly):

Or in the more traditional words of Einstein:

I get it.

The whole “Law of Attraction” thing can sound a bit… “woo-woo”.

Like something your eccentric aunt talks about while burning sage and chanting about moonbeams. But hear me out!

Whether you call it “Positive Thinking”, “Positive Mental Attitude”, or whatever, the law is real; believe it or not.

Every experience, is stoked by your thoughts and the emotions they trigger. This, in turn, shapes the course of your life.

So, if your life feels like a never-ending shit-show, guess what? You ordered those tickets!

You generated a negative feedback-loop.

You churn it into rancid brain-butter and let those negativity-zombies suck it dry.

So, what actually happened?

A temporary bad thing happened.

It festered in your mind and infected you with a cesspool of negativity. You’re riddled with it.

You’ve “thought” it this way.

Your perception is your reality.

But, this is where you take back control.

Shifting your focus: From mental poop-scooper to positivity ninja

So, how do you stop being a buffet for emotional zombies and become the Beyonkytonk of your own reality?

Instead of dwelling on the negative, try this:

• Acknowledge the situation.
  It happened.
  It sucked.
  Now f*cking get over it and let it go.
  It happened in a split second — you are now turning it into a lifelong trauma.
  It’s like trying to win a staring contest with a brick wall. It’s pointless and leaves you emotionally constipated.
  Don’t be a moron!
  Stewing on the past does nothing but steal your present!
• Focus on the positive.
  You survived.
  You had a life experience to talk about.
  You’ve learned something.
  You’ve still got both your <rummage>, yep, still both balls: find the silver lining, no matter how small <snigger>.
  Life throws you shit? Use it as face-cream! <Eeww!>.
• Practice gratitude.
  Be thankful for what you do have:
  Your health.
  Your loved ones.
  Your ability to have children: slow and small though they may be.
  A dog shat all over your mental-garden? You now have fertiliser for your lawn.
  Got kicked in the nuts? That’s the closest you got to having sex this month!
• Reframe your thinking.
  Instead of “Why me?”, ask “What can I learn from this?”.
  “What did that overflowing toilet teach me about the importance of regular maintenance?”.
  “I wonder if Sports Direct sell protective cups?”.
  “Where can I buy bubble wrap for my special area?”.
  “Next time, I’m carrying my “Rage Pillow!” (patent pending).

Remember, you are not powerless. You can choose how you react to life’s curveballs <cough!>. Take control of your thoughts and focus on the positive: you can attract the kind of reality you desire.

This doesn’t mean ignoring problems. It’s approaching them with a positive mindset, knowing you have the inner strength to overcome anything.

Having a positive mindset isn’t about pretending everything is rainbow-unicorns and fluffy kittens… because life is a cruel bastard sometimes!

It’s about having the strength and courage to overcome anything life throws at you.

We’re gonna need a better shit-sandwich!

So, the next time life throws you a shit-sandwich, take a deep breath and chow-down: remember — you are the architect of your own reality… and you make the tastiest sh*t-sandwiches — you can add your own toppings!